Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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