So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
