hell yes lets make some ravioli
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
