And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
