but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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