I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
