I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You left your phone here
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