Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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