so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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