i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
