if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
