i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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