I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
