Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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