You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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