Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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