Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
