I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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