Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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