Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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