She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
