Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
