Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
