we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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