i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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