Don't you send me to vm
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
