Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
