I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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