All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
