I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
