Got a toothbrush?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
