i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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