Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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