So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
