2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
