Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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