We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
