So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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