please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
