I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
