You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
