Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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