We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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