Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
