hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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