Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
