it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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