She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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