You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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