I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
