Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
