and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
