Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
