My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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