Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
