Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
